Dream (from 10/3/09)

Dream It wasn't quite night yet. It was dark because there were many clouds in the sky. Dusk's vague light hung onto life just beyond the thick cumulation. I was driving northbound on Scotts Valley Drive. It was a small, white car, possibly a convertible, I'm not totally sure. There were very few other cars on the road, the street lamps were lit but they were very dim. My focus though, was on the sky. I was alone in the car. At first I was just driving somewhere but soon I realized that something was about to happen to me. About the time I was passing the RV store on SV Dr., I experienced overwhelming feelings of negative anticipation and resignation. I stoically and curiously accepted that my fate was imminent. With some fear I thought, "Something is about to happen to me. Something's going to happen right now." One long breath later, a sharp, bright light tore through my mind and my vision and all at once, my body was useless. When the split second of bright light had passed, I found myself thrown back in my seat, arms flopping uselessly at my sides, my head rolling to the right and to the left. My eyes seemed to work and though I wanted to call out and couldn't, I was able to groan - my groaning was frustrating, affirming my helplessness and not providing the relief one might feel with an unrestrained cry. Before the flash I was traveling in the left hand lane and immediately after, my car began to drift to the left, into oncoming traffic and ultimately into the dirt lot known as the Sand Pit, situated next to the RV Store. I was paralyzed, only able to move my eyes and pull the slightest groaning from my throat. I thought, "I've had a stroke. I must have had a stroke." I worried as my car was drifting that I would soon collide with another car, though, I was somewhat reassured that there weren't many other vehicles on the road. My head lolled and I groaned in vain as I awaited the shock of hitting the curb outside the Sand Pit, but in one very swift movement, the scenery faded and I felt myself pulled by the inside of my chest, from my dream to my bed and reality. I lay partially coherent and feeling like I had been shocked, like how you feel after being rear ended in traffic (maybe you haven't ever felt that way). In a moment though, the feeling that I had been somehow violated gradually subsided, and Ted's rhythmic breathing finally helped me back to sleep. The physical sensation of being pulled from my dreams is odd and uncomfortable, but not new. I've noticed that when it happens I always associate it negatively to my dream, as if some ominous force isn't sparing me from dream death, but is waiting until the key moment to add the final shock. A glance at the clock told me it was 3:03 am. Prime R.E.M. time. (I've been watching the old Nightmare on Elm Street movies On Demand lately.)